Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
