Just fell off a train. Bad.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?