there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.