It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen