I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.