Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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