i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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