Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize