well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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