it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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