I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
