In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
