mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
