if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
