i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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