im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize