I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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