Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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