OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
