Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
