I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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