On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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