if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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