you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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