Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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