Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
