my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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