If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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