absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
