I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
