If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The best revenge is premature balding
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
