Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize