My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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