Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize