It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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