Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
