Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
