meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
