Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
