He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize