Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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