Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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