I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
