Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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