1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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