So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
