I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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