I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
