Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
