after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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