Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
