I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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