I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize