Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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