Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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