Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
