Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
