things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
