here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
