I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
