So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
