just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
