i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
