Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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