Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
