had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
